Christmas is my favourite of all of the holidays. I love to choose a gift that will bring a smile to someone's face. I love to bake to excess and make everyone hate me for causing them to gain a pound or two. I love to create, craft, share, love, laugh and just be with friends and family at this time of year.
My job drains me. Year end is full of pushy customers and pushy coworkers all trying to get what they want, when they want with no concern as to how they go about it. I cover twice the accounts as any of my colleagues and it is draining both emotionally and physically.
I struggle to spend time with my family and enjoy myself knowing I have another day of work ahead of me. I struggle to do the things I love to do that make the season special to me when I have no time to myself. All of the above makes me sad and prevents me from truly enjoying the season.
This year was especially difficult due to the major ice storm that hit just before Christmas and left our house in the dark and cold for 66+ hours until late Christmas Eve. The stench of rotting carpet that was soaked from a leak into our basement remains throughout our house 3 days later as we were unable to do anything to remedy the situation given the weather and lack of electricity in our house. Where am I today? Am I home with my family snuggling up on the couch with a hot chocolate and a feel good movie? No. Am I home trying to bring my house into working order/shopping to replace the fridge and freezer full of food that was destroyed? No. I am at work.
I am sad. I feel cheated.
I watch videos on my phone of my son playing with his new keyboard and singing away without a care in the world. I look at pictures of my son so happy with his new airplane and fire truck and my heart begins to melt. Tears come to my eyes as I wish I was at home with him sharing his excitement right now.
For now, I will try to ignore the rude people who try to bring me down. I will try to lower my expectations going forward and strive to achieve the "work/life balance" that seems so unattainable. I will hug my son, knowing that he has everything he needs and wants. He brings me so much joy and makes me want to be a better person. Christmas is just a season that comes each year, but Parker is my life.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
I told you I was a bad blogger
Ok, well I've been busy lately...trying to survive as an employee, mom, wife, sister, mother, daughter, friend. Some things fall to the side to make room for others.
I am back now, at this moment at least, and feel that I will try to return again soon as I need an outlet. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that time passes and one begins to feel like a solitary rocket speeding through time and space heading nowhere.
I have fallen into my sleeping well, but never waking restful phases where my entire night's sleep is filled with super detailed dreams. I can fall asleep quickly, and if you wake me up within 10 minutes, I will already have dreams to share, if I wake up hours later, the story from my head is longer and more detailed, and if I hit the snooze button, I feel as if I am still awake, yet dreaming simultaneously until my alarm blares again 7 minutes later. The result is a tired person wandering through the day as a zombie after a full 8 hours of "uninterrupted" sleep. I wish that I could turn it off, I enjoy the stories my mind invents, I desperately want to feel rested. I am known for my wild dreams, the tales my brain shares with me are legendary. It really feels like I am watching the most personal and detailed movie I have ever seen in my life, and when I wake up, I remember a great deal of detail. I understand this happens to most people occasionally, but I can go through this for months at a time with no break. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I will take it for face value and try to enjoy the world beyond my consciousness. One day I will have the time and energy to write down everything I remember and I will make millions writing novels and screenplays entertaining the masses. Or I will end up in a looney bin because the drivel that comes out of my head makes no sense and I am really just a crazy person. Until then, I will go back to work and struggle through the remainder of the day.
Parker returns this evening from a 4 day visit with Nana and Papa. I miss him so much! I can't wait for a big hug....you know after he has had his fit because he realizes he is stuck with daddy and I instead of Nana and Papa, and after we have had to console him with pizza for dinner and his favourite tv show to calm him down. It will still be worth it. That kid gives the best hugs!
I am back now, at this moment at least, and feel that I will try to return again soon as I need an outlet. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that time passes and one begins to feel like a solitary rocket speeding through time and space heading nowhere.
I have fallen into my sleeping well, but never waking restful phases where my entire night's sleep is filled with super detailed dreams. I can fall asleep quickly, and if you wake me up within 10 minutes, I will already have dreams to share, if I wake up hours later, the story from my head is longer and more detailed, and if I hit the snooze button, I feel as if I am still awake, yet dreaming simultaneously until my alarm blares again 7 minutes later. The result is a tired person wandering through the day as a zombie after a full 8 hours of "uninterrupted" sleep. I wish that I could turn it off, I enjoy the stories my mind invents, I desperately want to feel rested. I am known for my wild dreams, the tales my brain shares with me are legendary. It really feels like I am watching the most personal and detailed movie I have ever seen in my life, and when I wake up, I remember a great deal of detail. I understand this happens to most people occasionally, but I can go through this for months at a time with no break. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I will take it for face value and try to enjoy the world beyond my consciousness. One day I will have the time and energy to write down everything I remember and I will make millions writing novels and screenplays entertaining the masses. Or I will end up in a looney bin because the drivel that comes out of my head makes no sense and I am really just a crazy person. Until then, I will go back to work and struggle through the remainder of the day.
Parker returns this evening from a 4 day visit with Nana and Papa. I miss him so much! I can't wait for a big hug....you know after he has had his fit because he realizes he is stuck with daddy and I instead of Nana and Papa, and after we have had to console him with pizza for dinner and his favourite tv show to calm him down. It will still be worth it. That kid gives the best hugs!
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