Confession - I feel like a grinch

Christmas is my favourite of all of the holidays. I love to choose a gift that will bring a smile to someone's face. I love to bake to excess and make everyone hate me for causing them to gain a pound or two. I love to create, craft, share, love, laugh and just be with friends and family at this time of year.

My job drains me. Year end is full of pushy customers and pushy coworkers all trying to get what they want, when they want with no concern as to how they go about it. I cover twice the accounts as any of my colleagues and it is draining both emotionally and physically.

I struggle to spend time with my family and enjoy myself knowing I have another day of work ahead of me. I struggle to do the things I love to do that make the season special to me when I have no time to myself.  All of the above makes me sad and prevents me from truly enjoying the season.

This year was especially difficult due to the major ice storm that hit just before Christmas and left our house in the dark and cold for 66+ hours until late Christmas Eve. The stench of rotting carpet that was soaked from a leak into our basement remains throughout our house 3 days later as we were unable to do anything to remedy the situation given the weather and lack of electricity in our house. Where am I today?  Am I home with my family snuggling up on the couch with a hot chocolate and a feel good movie?  No. Am I home trying to bring my house into working order/shopping to replace the fridge and freezer full of food that was destroyed? No. I am at work.

I am sad. I feel cheated.

I watch videos on my phone of my son playing with his new keyboard and singing away without a care in the world.  I look at pictures of my son so happy with his new airplane and fire truck and my heart begins to melt. Tears come to my eyes as I wish I was at home with him sharing his excitement right now.

For now, I will try to ignore the rude people who try to bring me down. I will try to lower my expectations going forward and strive to achieve the "work/life balance" that seems so unattainable.  I will hug my son, knowing that he has everything he needs and wants. He brings me so much joy and makes me want to be a better person. Christmas is just a season that comes each year, but Parker is my life.