New goal

Our lives are seriously over cluttered these days. In an attempt to simplify, I have a new goal. Every week through the end of the year I want to reduce the clutter by one bag/box/large item and donate to charity or dispose of our excess.
Why do we keep everything? We have boxes and boxes of stuff. Stuff that maybe one day we can use, stuff that meant something at some point in our lives. Is it all necessary to hang on to?
I hope this may be a good lesson for Parker too. Maybe an annual tradition of donating old toys to little boys and girls that are without? Can't hurt right?
Wish me luck in my journey to simplify and hopefully I can stick with this goal!

A little stumble

I was hoping to have a nice relaxing evening today and to have an early dinner again this evening, but my dogs had other plans.
Upon opening the door this evening, I was greeted by quite a sight. My loving pups had managed to destroy 3 bottles of apple juice and 5 new rolls of paper towel.  There was paper and juice everywhere! My first 30 home today was spent sweeping up the debris and mopping up the liquid in my kitchen. What fun!
I am proud of myself though as I was very close to ordering pizza for dinner, but I chose to make a meal instead. Even though I was sweating from the kitchen clean up and in a less than chipper mood, I still cooked a meal for the family and saved $30+. Small victories right?

Fresh start

I think now is a good time for a fresh start on my blog. We are just over 3 months away from Christmas and I have so much I would like to do.
I would really like to try and get my website in order and see if I can sell some things around the holiday season. Most importantly I would like to get our house in order and make the day to day simple so we can enjoy more time together as a family without stress and frustration.
I am trying this week to cook our meals and not rely on take out. Two days in and I am succeeding! Last night I made a delicious chicken breast dinner with cauliflower and a noodle side dish. Tonight was a chicken and stuffing meal in the crock pot. The best part about crock pot meals is that the meal is ready when I get home from work and the dishes were already done by the time we are usually sitting down to eat.
Tonight we even had time to play a game with Parker after dinner which was so nice.
Let's see how long I can keep up trying to find order in our chaos!

Confession - I don't know how to feel right now.

My mom has been dealing with cancer that returned last year after being cancer free for almost 4 years. Initially, she was responding to treatment, but that was relatively short lived. The nodes began to grow again and her treatment shifted. After 30 rounds of radiation, she is regaining movement and strength in her right arm that was immobile for a month or two from the lymph node that put pressure on a nerve bundle under her arm. At the same time, the cancer started shrinking and responding to new medication. This morning my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital for breathing issues and we are waiting for results of a CT scan to determine if she has pneumonia or a blood clot in her lung.  I am an impatient person and am anxiously awaiting the results to know what happens next. Whatever happens, I just want my mommy to be around for a very long time.
I don't know what I would do without her!

Confession - I feel like a grinch

Christmas is my favourite of all of the holidays. I love to choose a gift that will bring a smile to someone's face. I love to bake to excess and make everyone hate me for causing them to gain a pound or two. I love to create, craft, share, love, laugh and just be with friends and family at this time of year.

My job drains me. Year end is full of pushy customers and pushy coworkers all trying to get what they want, when they want with no concern as to how they go about it. I cover twice the accounts as any of my colleagues and it is draining both emotionally and physically.

I struggle to spend time with my family and enjoy myself knowing I have another day of work ahead of me. I struggle to do the things I love to do that make the season special to me when I have no time to myself.  All of the above makes me sad and prevents me from truly enjoying the season.

This year was especially difficult due to the major ice storm that hit just before Christmas and left our house in the dark and cold for 66+ hours until late Christmas Eve. The stench of rotting carpet that was soaked from a leak into our basement remains throughout our house 3 days later as we were unable to do anything to remedy the situation given the weather and lack of electricity in our house. Where am I today?  Am I home with my family snuggling up on the couch with a hot chocolate and a feel good movie?  No. Am I home trying to bring my house into working order/shopping to replace the fridge and freezer full of food that was destroyed? No. I am at work.

I am sad. I feel cheated.

I watch videos on my phone of my son playing with his new keyboard and singing away without a care in the world.  I look at pictures of my son so happy with his new airplane and fire truck and my heart begins to melt. Tears come to my eyes as I wish I was at home with him sharing his excitement right now.

For now, I will try to ignore the rude people who try to bring me down. I will try to lower my expectations going forward and strive to achieve the "work/life balance" that seems so unattainable.  I will hug my son, knowing that he has everything he needs and wants. He brings me so much joy and makes me want to be a better person. Christmas is just a season that comes each year, but Parker is my life.

I told you I was a bad blogger

Ok, well I've been busy lately...trying to survive as an employee, mom, wife, sister, mother, daughter, friend. Some things fall to the side to make room for others.

I am back now, at this moment at least, and feel that I will try to return again soon as I need an outlet. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that time passes and one begins to feel like a solitary rocket speeding through time and space heading nowhere.

I have fallen into my sleeping well, but never waking restful phases where my entire night's sleep is filled with super detailed dreams. I can fall asleep quickly, and if you wake me up within 10 minutes, I will already have dreams to share, if I wake up hours later, the story from my head is longer and more detailed, and if I hit the snooze button, I feel as if I am still awake, yet dreaming simultaneously until my alarm blares again 7 minutes later. The result is a tired person wandering through the day as a zombie after a full 8 hours of "uninterrupted" sleep. I wish that I could turn it off, I enjoy the stories my mind invents, I desperately want to feel rested.  I am known for my wild dreams, the tales my brain shares with me are legendary. It really feels like I am watching the most personal and detailed movie I have ever seen in my life, and when I wake up, I remember a great deal of detail. I understand this happens to most people occasionally, but I can go through this for months at a time with no break. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I will take it for face value and try to enjoy the world beyond my consciousness. One day I will have the time and energy to write down everything I remember and I will make millions writing novels and screenplays entertaining the masses. Or I will end up in a looney bin because the drivel that comes out of my head makes no sense and I am really just a crazy person. Until then, I will go back to work and struggle through the remainder of the day.

Parker returns this evening from a 4 day visit with Nana and Papa. I miss him so much! I can't wait for a big hug....you know after he has had his fit because he realizes he is stuck with daddy and I instead of Nana and Papa, and after we have had to console him with pizza for dinner and his favourite tv show to calm him down. It will still be worth it. That kid gives the best hugs!

Confession: I am thankful

In honour of the Canadian Thanksgiving yesterday, I thought it would be nice to share some positives that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my amazing, bright, happy, loving, spirited, ham of a child. Parker is more than I ever imagined when I considered having children. Even after a bad day or night of whining or crying, no sleep, whatever, he gives me this smile that makes everything negative disappear. His cheeky little grin and infectious giggle make my heart melt and my arms open wide for the little squirmy creature before me. I hope I don't let him down.

I am thankful for my husband, who loves me in spite of my flaws, my need to be right, my need to over plan, over pack, over buy (groceries anyway). He loves me even though I frustrate him beyond belief, as I do him. I couldn't make it through the day without him. I only wish he knew exactly how much he means to me. I try to tell him, but I'm not certain he truly knows that he is my other half...sometimes, my better half....the Jekyll to my Hyde (or is it the other way?  oh well!).  I hope I don't let him down.

I am thankful for my brother. As most siblings do, we have loved and hated each other over the years and I wouldn't be me without him. Seeing Parker look up to him and love him as he does is heartwarming. I know I don't tell him enough, but he is the best big brother and I hope Parker is as good to any future siblings as my brother was to me....except for the time he wouldn't stop the car to let me pee, or the time he pushed me into that door....more like the time he felt so bad that I failed my driving test that he bought me a present to make me feel better.  I hope I don't let him down.

I am thankful for my parents. As my birthday approaches, I realize today that they, too, are getting older. Shocking right? This isn't news, but it blew me away when I thought about it. My parents have always been my parents. They have always been there for me and I probably don't tell them how much it means to me. I have always tried to make it through life on my own terms, my own path, my own strength...I wouldn't have been able to do that without them. Without their strength, love and support, I would not have made it through anything. I would not have the courage to go forward without their support in case I fail. I hope they are proud of me and my accomplishments. I hope that I can be to Parker what they are to me. I hope I don't let them down.

I am thankful for having so many friends and family to support me and to share my laughter with. I hope everyone knows what they mean to me, though I am sure they will never know entirely the impact they have on my life. I am not always the best at sharing my feelings, I tend to be the shoulder for others instead of ask for a shoulder to cry on. I really am very lucky to have most of the people in my life...there are a few I could do without, some who are no longer here that I miss terribly, and others that I don't miss so much. I am thankful for all of them, good friends or bad, past or present...they have all made me who I am today. I may be flawed, but I think I am a pretty decent person at the core. I hope I don't let you down, and thank you!